What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
