she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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