he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize