I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
