Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
