You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
