Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
