Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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