I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
