he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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