My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just pee around me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
