what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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