Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
