I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
