I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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