and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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