What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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