You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's like iHOP with fire
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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