Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
someone owes me an orgasm
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize