Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
