I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
