do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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