We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
