you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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