Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
