Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
