Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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