You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He kissed a someone with a penis
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
