everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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