She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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