I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
