what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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