I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
