I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
