Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Shame - the story of my life.
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