I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize