I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
