he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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