when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
