we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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