So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
