Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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