like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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