Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
