i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.