Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?