I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.