watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
