LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
