yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
