New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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