Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
