I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
