This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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