i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize