The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
