I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Quick, to the slutcave!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
