Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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