This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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