I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize