..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
