i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
