i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
