This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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