I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize