take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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