I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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