Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
