I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
