dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
