I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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