I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
