Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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