I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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