girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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