No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
