3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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