My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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