i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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