every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You left your phone here
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