Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
